I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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