Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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