i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize