you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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