Where is the hickey?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
