i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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