i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
