totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
handjob tips. give me some.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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