Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
