You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
