his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
