I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
