What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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