Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
