ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
