I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
