The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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