i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
