Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
