The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize