Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
