East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
