actually, I'm a sock model
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
