Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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