Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
