I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
