Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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