it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
