How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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