dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
