Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
