Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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