I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
