I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
