i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize