very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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