If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
