Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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