Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
