i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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