I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am spending my child support on dildos
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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