No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
