I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
