if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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