i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
