he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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