i love accidental penises.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
