i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
