Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
