i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
