I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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