Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
