i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
