My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
