if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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