Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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