can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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