Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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