I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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