It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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