clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
