Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
