just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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