Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
