I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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