I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
