I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
