I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
