The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its about making memories worth repressing
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
