Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
