And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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