I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
