so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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